Sunday School Teacher

I love teaching kids about JESUS. Been doing it for about 10 years now. LOVE IT! It brings me great joy. GREAT JOY. But now I feel like God is taking that away. The thought of not telling kids about JESUS is DEVASTATING to me. But because of my stress, anxiety and random panic attacks I started taking medicine and I no longer feel well and just feel ineligible for the roll. I thought that was the one thing I was really good at. If God is with me, why is He taking that away? Is He with me? I have to trust He has a plan! But with every new failure and, obstacle and difficulty, that gets harder and harder to do.

Have you ever felt abandoned?

I know God is with me always. I know the Holy Spirit lives in me and helps me in life and leads me and guides me, but I feel so abandoned right now in every aspect of my life. Professionally, I’m not where I want to be, I need to develop and do my job better. Financially, I am depleted. Mentally, I am struggling. Physically, I do not feel well. I need medicine just to get by. My car is having issues. I fear for my children and family’s well being.

However, though I am weak and am full of fear, I chose to give it all to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is my strength. He is my refuge always, especially in the time of trouble. He is stronger and wiser then any other and my life is in His hands. I give him my fear and anxiety and ask for peace and great joy. Not because of anything that I have done but because I remind Him of His great love for me. I am greatly loved by the created of this world, whom can do anything He pleases with no limitations. I beg Him to help me. To give me strength, peace and joy. To favor my career and family. To open up the gates of heaven and bless me abundantly, so that I may give Him glory. So that I may make His name great.

I know He hears my cries and I trust He will give me great strength. I feel His presence giving me great peace. I feel His great love coming closer. I thank Him greatly for even acknowledging my thoughts and prayers. Thank You Jesus! Thank You Holy Spirit! Thank you Father! Thank You!

Painful Update

I started taking some meds. My body could only handle some much. I feel like my mind is good but physically my body was overwhelmed. I have thoughts that God had abandoned me but I know He is there. Why does he allow so much pain? It’s definitely more than I can handle on my own so I am asking him for strength. I feel the difference between when he helps and when am alone. When I cry out to Him and ask Him for peace and the Holy Spirit I do feel good afterwards. Holding on to faith that He will deliver me from all of this, it’s too much. But it won’t just fall from the sky through prayer. I have to pray hard and work hard for it and He will give me the strength to do it. I’m asking, no i’m begging for wisdom to know what to do, for strength and courage to initiate it and then follow through and do it on a daily basis.

11/1/16

Things are not going well but i’m holding on to hope in salvation as I cry out to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety and semi-extreme depression. I was prescribed Percocet. I don’t like drugs and I believe in God’s healing power so I’m hoping for a God healing miracle… but I’ll accept that God gave us all gifts and all adds are blessed with the gift of healing and going to the Dr like I did and being given medicine is God’s way of healing… but I believe in miracles… I’ll see how this morning goes before I decide to take the first pill. Listening to worship music, lifting heavy weights and writing this in between.

Trying to motivate my self and get pumped up about some door knocking we have scheduled. Half way through work out, feeling better. Eyes still watery, I’ll blame that on allergies for now… maybe allergy medicine not kicked in…

“Make His praaaise Glorious, Glorious, Glorious”…

Feeling a whole lot better and stable after my work out. I start having negative thoughts of recent failures and the thought of my family being divided and it brings me down but I’m fighting through it in Jesus name.

Church update – 10/12/16

Feeling beat up. I set out to start a church over a year ago and I feel like I was pulled in different directions and wasn’t given any support. No doors opened, no guidance. I wanted to hear from God but don’t feel like I have a in a real significant way. Feels kind of like God was like a father showing a son how to ride a bike and then he let go. I know He is there but I kind of feel like He let go. But then I call out and ask,” now what, what do you want me to do?”, and there is silence.

I’m asking Him, “what else do you want me to do?” I quit my Job, I said my house is yours, I sold it and yelled out, “Here I am use me” and there were no doors and there was no guidance… I read my Bible, I try to memorize verses, I spend hours putting the lesson together for Sunday school with no pay, and not seeing any real feedback or results… Feeling a little hurt… I know in the back of my mind He is there and this is all part of His plan, but to live it is a different feeling… To know God can make anything happen and here I am saying use me, feeling like so many are lost and we need more churches and then to feel so lost with no direction and not hearing from God is so frustrating… You can make anything happen, why not this? Maybe it’s just me…

As work I’ve been doing real estate. It’s ok, nothing huge or major there. I want to run fast but just don’t know what do do. I setup alarms to read my Bible really early in the morning and now I get woken up in the night usually around 2-3am and I don’t get enough sleep so I don’t wake up early. Then I ask myself, If it was God’s will for me to get up early and read my Bible, then why am I waking up in the middle of night then too exhausted in the morning to get up…

My shoulders started hurting about two months ago really bad to the point that I stopped going to gym for a week then went back in with low weight and avoided some work outs. Pain is still there a couple months later so I scheduled an appointment with the Dr. The day before I saw the Dr. I threw my back out again. It was at the gym. I’ve been trying to strengthen my back so this would not happen but it didn’t seem to work. I saw the Dr with a busted back but told the Dr. I was there about the shoulders, “yes both of them” I told her. I told her my back was hurt but when it happened in the past I just get over it in about a week… I took some muscle relaxers and the next day my tooth hurt really bad… I think the last dentist messed it up but my body just numbs the pain so I don’t walk around in pain all the time… I took two weeks off before being shoulder specialist that Dr sent me to do that got me a little down. Must be the lack of endorphins that exercise usually gives me… I have been praying about my shoulders a lot and even asked my small group to pray about it but I still feel the pain. After the first shoulder rehab appointment, my shoulders feel a bit better. I thought that maybe God gave people gifts and that’s why we’re in specific fields. Those with the gift are healing are Dr.’s and dentist, etc… I mean, you have to have a heart for healing to do that day in day out…

Earlier today I got fired up about making moves to get church started. But after talking to my brother, the preacher, he didn’t seem interested in doing church stuff anymore. I asked if he wanted to lead our small group that we have on Tuesdays and he said no… I talked to my other brother and we had a conversation about work in general. He said that people that work a lot get blessed, and people that don’t don’t. Also, when something doesn’t work out for a while we need to just throw in the towel and move on. It just wasn’t meant to be… It seems like when I get motivated to start running satan somehow goes in for the punch… brought me down a little. Is that God telling me to move on or satan trying to keep me down? Do I try harder or is God saying, no, just move on?

 

Who is God to you?

Who is God to you? Just something you believe exist out there somewhere? Or do you have a relationship with Him? Is He your best friend?
God is a walkie talkie in the time of war. We can call to Him through prayer to help us in life struggles. Why Him? He has unlimited resources and sees the future. There is no better lifeline to reach out to. Accept that He responds to prayer with the hardship you NEED not necessarily the painless moments you WANT. 
God is a best friend that lends a listening ear when you need it. Confide in Him your deepest secrets and struggles and ask Him for strength to overcome.

God is a supportive, good, giving and loving father who WANTS and will give you what you NEED in life, even if you get mad at Him for not giving you what you WANT. He will NOT give you what you ask for in order to be the cool parent and make you temporarily happy. This takes much restraint, strength, power on His part and is much more difficult then giving you a cookie to make you happy. He chooses to give you the piece of coal over a cookie because He LOVES you far more than you love yourself and He knows a piece of coal holds more value in a winter storm then a cookie. Trust His plan, He KNOWS the future. Thank Him for your blessings. The good, the bad, the ugly, knowing it’s what you NEED.

The kingdom of heaven

“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!”��Matthew� �13:45-46� �NLT�� 
How important is it to you, to go to heaven when you die? When you found Christ, did you give up your life to follow Jesus? Did you give up the old party life to make sure you were rested on Sunday to worship God? Did you remove the hatred and replace it with forgiveness and love? The pride of looking down on others in order to humble yourself and put others above yourself? Has Jesus become your greatest pleasure above drugs, sex and worldly pleasures?

Can we be too much into Jesus?

I was told that at work I talk about Jesus too much…

I don’t think so. I know I’m a fanatic, I know I’m a Jesus freak but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.  Some people love football and they bleed their teams colors. I just don’t find joy in sports. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking sports, I just don’t. People talk about what they love, they read about what they love, they are eager and excited about an event on a topic or hobby they like. There’s nothing wrong with that, i’m just not passionate about other things. I get excited about reading the Bible, I love going to church and hearing sermons and especially love worshiping through music and praise, through fasting and through telling people about Jesus. I don’t care if I’m labeled a freak, I do what I love. Many other people also do what they love, but it’s PC to love other things, to be sports fanatics, to love fasion, but if I love God and enjoy it and that’s what I like to talk about, then the world rejects me… Psh, I don’t care. I will keep chasing after Jesus, I don’t care how alone and rejected I feel at times, I know Jesus is with me.

Do you have to be like me to be saved? Of course not, I am a broken sinner just like everyone else. For we have all sinned and fallen short of His glory… I just know that the more I run after Jesus, the more I feel His presence and the more and more I become addicted to His love. It s not like this every second of my life… though I wish it were.

What does God father want from us?

Answer: To be like Jesus.

God’s GREATEST commandments are 1) LOVE GOD with your heart, mind, soul and strength and 2) LOVE OTHERS like you love yourself. Love God and others NO MATTER WHAT. Don’t say, “I don’t love them be because…”

What does loving God with our heart, mind, soul and strength look like?

First, Guard your HEART by what you choose to experience (movies, TV, songs, etc). Also, by how you FEEL in your heart about things you do on a daily basis (hidden agendas, hate, revenge, etc).  The lies and things others don’t see may not hurt others but they are seen by God and they do hurt you . Each lie furthers you away from God and trains you to sin better.

Second, Love God with your MIND by rejecting bad thoughts that flood your MIND. Don’t dwell on bad thoughts that sometimes cross our mind, especially when we are in a heated moment. Instead, dwell on God and good holy things. It takes practice but the result is having self control, not being hot headed and reactive appropriately in a Christian demeanor, when calamity strikes.

Third, Love God with your SOUL. Seek salvation  for your SOUL and do things that build treasures in heaven for your SOUL. Don’t make decisions that will get you more material goals at the cost of doing what is right under God’s eyes. Don’t lie, cheat and steal just to get ahead and make more money, to get better car, to get better home. Care about virtues like integrity and honor.

Finally, run after Jesus with all your STRENGTH, as if your life depended on it. God gave us all spiritual gifts; things that we are good at. Prophecy, serving, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership, mercy, faith, healing,etc. We love God with our physical strength by not to being lazy, going to church, etc.

We also love God through obedience to Him (John 14:15). What specifically comes to mind that I attempt to avoid always are the 7 things that God hates. Out of over 600+ rules in the Bible God specifically hates the following 7 things: haughty (pride) eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, feet that run into evil, a heart that plans evil schemes, a false witness and those that stir up problems in the family.

2ND of greatest commandments is to LOVE OTHERS. Start by

  1. FORGIVE others for what they did against you, even though or especially when it seems illogical.
  2. HELP others when they need your help and you can help. Don’t be LAZY with your time and efforts, make sure to work hard.
  3. Don’t be SELFISH or INCONSIDERATE, think of others as BETTER then yourself so to put their needs above yours. Make their life easier. Don’t do things because it’s convenient for you knowing it makes it difficult for them.
  4. ENCOURAGE others, don’t put them down.

With that said, what are stumbling blocks that prevent us from loving God and others

  • Laziness – We say we just don’t have the time or passion for it. We would rather just relax, sit on the couch, and let others handle it.
  • Pride – Like lucifer, we just thing were better then them and/or are above the problem.
  • Revenge – We chose not to forgive our enemies or those that wronged us. Instead we want to hurt them for what they did, because they deserve it. Some people will agree with you and backup your decision for payback, but not God. If we want to please God and then we need to love others.

When it get’s hard to turn the other cheek and love your enemies just remember that Jesus loved Judas even though he knew the whole time that he would lie and steal. He loved those that crucified Him and nailed him to the very tree that He created. Jesus loved Saul, a murdered of Christians, and through mercy and grace, Paul because one of the best Christians ever.

Christian view on LGBT

Touchy subject… But I’ll give it a shot… 😬

I believe that the Holy Bible is one way God talks to us about a variety of issues. In the Bible God tells us He created a man and women (Gen 1:27) and that homosexuality is a sin (Lev 18:22). He also lists many other sins like lying, killing, coveting, etc… While I am not homosexual, I am a sinner and guilty of sinning in other ways… Therefore, if you ask me, I will tell you that homosexuality is a sin and not ok with God, but I will also tell you that I am also a sinner. I CANNOT support that which contradicts my beliefs, but I will not point at a LGBT and say I am better then them just because I am not LGBT. I will not look down on them and say their sin is worst then mine. I will love them, I WILL welcome them as a friend and brother or sister and I will strive to treat them as if they are better then me, because Jesus set this example for me when He loved prostitutes, liars and murderers…

God is a very just God and when we die, He will judge us for our sins and what we choose to do in this life. Therefore we should repent of our sin and turn to Him. However, He is also a very loving and forgiving God. He loves me and LGBT far more more than anyone, EVER will! He loves EVERYONE greatly, despite of our sinful nature. He will forgive us for our sins and give us the strength to overcome them if we ask Him and let Him lead our lives.